The One with All the Questions
by WonderPickle
Summary: Toby crossed his arms over his chest. "Walter thinks he knows Paige better than you know me. Let's prove him wrong." One-shot.


**this is based off the episode of _Friends_ titled "The One with the Embryos". inspiration was also taken from various punishments from the show _Impractical Jokers_. some of these tidbits are taken from canon, but most are things I came up with on my own. I tried to be as accurate to the characters as I could.**

 **feel free to drop a review!**

* * *

"I still can't believe you don't know."

"Look, I don't know every last detail about you."

"But we're _married_! You should!"

Walter looked up. "What is going on here?"

Happy sighed. "Toby's upset because I don't know his favorite movie."

"No," Toby corrected. "I'm upset because you can't figure out one of the most basic things about me."

"I don't see what the issue is."

"The issue is we're married now, and she _still_ doesn't know my favorite movie."

Walter shrugged. "I know Paige's favorite film, but that doesn't add any depth to our relationship."

"You only know it because we all watched it together," Happy pointed out.

"We've watched mine!" Toby argued.

She tapped her temple. "I have a lot of important stuff up there. There's not really a spot for favorite flicks."

Toby dropped his jaw.

Walter quirked his lip. "Seems like I know Paige better than you know Toby."

"What?" Happy's face scrunched.

"I am more familiar with Paige's idiosyncrasies than you are with Toby's," he replied.

Happy put her hands on her hips. "Why the hell do you think that?"

Toby pointed a finger. "You wanna prove that, O'Brien?"

Walter's smugness drowned in the confusion on his features. "I-what?"

"I said you wanna prove that?"

"How?"

"A little competition."

"Toby," Happy asked, "what are you setting me up for?"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Walter thinks he knows Paige better than you know me. Let's prove him wrong."

" _Let's_? I didn't-"

"I'll write the questions you have to answer. Paige will come up with the ones for Walt."

"Toby-"

Walter raised his chin. "Okay. Deal. What are the stakes?"

Sliding back a few inches on his foot, Toby held up his palms. "No stakes. Otherwise I can't be involved."

Walter shrugged. "Fine. All I need is the satisfaction of beating you."

Toby stuck out his hand. Walter promptly shook it.

* * *

"My questions are done. How bout you, Dineen?"

Paige sighed. "Still struggling over here. Don't really know what qualifies as a good question for a game stolen from _Friends_."

His eyes shifted to over her shoulder. "How many you got?"

She looked at his stack, eyes widened when she saw the thickness. " _H_ _alf_ of yours."

Toby sifted through his. Tossing half over his shoulder, he neglected to watch for their destination. He rubbed his palms together. "Okay. Let's get this show on the road."

* * *

Toby and Paige sat at the tables, across from their respective partners, who stood not far away behind a table of their own. Happy leaned forward, one hand atop the other, while Walter balanced on his feet.

Toby shifted his head to the right. "Scorekeeper?"

Sly nodded at his desk. "I'm ready."

"Everybody clear on the rules?" Toby asked.

Walter gave a slight eye roll. "Considering you've gone over them numerous times, yes, I think we're all prepared."

"Ten seconds per question, when we're finished-"

"Toby."

"Hey," his eyebrows stretched upwards, "I'm just making sure you won't be able to cheat-"

"The only person that cheats here is you."

"Now _that's_ untrue."

"Both of you," Happy commanded, "knock it off."

Toby pressed his lips together. "Timer?"

Ralph gave thumbs up beside Sylvester. "Ready."

Toby grinned. "Let's do this. Paige?"

Paige cocked her head. "Let's get this over with."

"Rock and roll, geniuses. ...And Paige." Pointing at Ralph, Toby looked down at the cards in his hands. "Walt, what's Paige's favorite smell?"

He scoffed, smirking. "Easy. Lavender."

Paige smiled before Toby responded. "Correct."

Walter grinned back at her.

"One for Walter," Sly announced.

"Okay, Happy," Paige said, "Toby's favorite dessert?"

She took a second longer than Walter, but quickly answered, "Cannolis."

Looking at the card's answer, Paige nodded.

Sly held up a finger. "One for Happy."

Toby glanced at him. "Uh, Sly? You don't have to say it every time, pal."

Sly blinked. "Understood."

"Walt? Paige's first job?" Toby inquired after facing forward again.

Walter raised his brows. "Lifeguard."

"Alright," Toby said. "You got that one."

Paige adjusted the cards in her fingertips. "Happy, how many languages can Toby speak fluently?"

Happy silently counted them off on her fingers. "Fi-" she peered at Toby, who stared back impatiently, "Six."

"Right again."

Toby shifted his head towards Walter, speaking up. "Paige's biggest pet peeve?"

Opening his mouth, he uttered a noise on the verge of a fully formed word. But clearly thinking better, he closed it. "When people talk over her or prohibit her from speaking."

Toby aimed his pointer finger to indicate the exactitude.

"Happy, Toby's first and only pet?"

"Uh…an alley cat he found in a cardboard box. He kept it in his room until he got busted. The name was something stupid…" Attempting to remember it, she bit her lip. "Oh! Winston Purrchill."

After one look at Toby, Ralph visibly paused the timer.

"Not stupid." Toby huffed, like they'd shared this argument before. "Clever!"

Paige didn't bother informing Happy she was correct, instead shooting Toby an incredulous gaze. "Really? A genius child couldn't have come up with anything better?"

Sylvester shot his hand up. "I think it's a witty and endearing name for a cat."

"See?" Toby remarked accusingly. "Sly appreciates me."

Happy scowled. "Who said I didn't?"

"This conversation doesn't pertain to the contest. Is it really necessary?" Walter tightened his entwined arms.

Toby curled his lip, adjusting the cards in his fingers. "Fine. Ralphy? Restart the timer."

Ralph nodded. "Done."

"Walt, the one place Paige has always wanted to visit?"

"Uh…" Walter focused at the empty tabletop in front of him. "England…?"

Ralph smacked his forehead. "No!"

Toby puckered his lips. "Ooo, I'm sorry, that is incorrect. The answer was-" He titled his head towards Paige. " _Nice_ trick question, Dineen. It's _everywhere_ , Walt. She would like to visit _everywhere_."

Happy nodded. "Sweet!"

The muscles in Walter's jaw danced as the irritation brushed his features. "We're not losing yet. At the moment, Happy and I are tied. Paige, ask the next question."

Paige tilted her neck. "Alright. Happy, what's Toby's favorite breakfast food?"

"Well, that's easy." Happy gave Walter a triumphant glare. "Pancakes."

"No, that's not right."

Happy's expression melted away to reveal a mask of confusion underneath. "Uh, yes it is."

Paige re-checked the card. "Uh, no, no it's not."

"Then what the hell is it?"

"Sausages!" Toby exclaimed, hands flying.

Happy knitted her brows. "Since when do you eat sausages?"

"You don't eat meat before the clock strikes 12, and since I'm your main source of breakfast, I never make it!"

Walter lifted his chin. "Aha. Now we're tied."

Happy huffed, but not just in response to the comment. "Zip it, Walt."

Ralph leaned closer to Sly. "This game is causing more drama than an episode of the _Bachelor_."

"I've never watched it, but I don't doubt you're right."

* * *

"We've come to a tie!" Sly announced. "Which calls for the lightning round. Fortunately, I've prepared for such an outcome."

Happy narrowed her eyes. "The lightning round?"

"You have thirty seconds to answer as many questions as possible. Whoever gets the most wins the whole competition," Ralph confirmed.

"Any takers for the first go?" Sly asked.

Like a burst of electricity smacked his elbow, Toby's hand jumped up above his head. "Hap and I volunteer!"

" _Toby_!"

Sly flashed his teeth gleefully, pulling his own collection of cards out from his pocket. "You're up, Happy."

Scowling, she stepped closer to his table, only after a light push from her husband. Ralph, as he'd done each turn before, reset the timer.

With one hand on the right side of the card and one raising a finger near his cheek, Sly glanced at Happy. "Ready?"

"No."

"Where did Toby get a pencil stuck when he was a kid?"

"Nose."

"Eye color?"

Her features widened, like it was too obvious to be a question. "Brown."

"The three kinds of vegetables he never eats?"

"Carrots, broccoli and...brussel sprouts."

"Why doesn't he eat them?"

"Carrots make him feel like he's devouring a snowman's snout, he says brussel sprouts are too disgusting to be a real food-" She tapped her foot anxiously. "-oh! And broccoli's like eating a tree to him. For some reason he hates it."

Sly nodded but continued talking. "When Toby enters an echo chamber, what is the first word he always yells?"

"Pumpernickel."

"He claims to be a master at using chopsticks. Is that true or false?"

Happy scoffed. "False."

"Time's up!" Ralph chirped, raising himself from his seat. "Walter, you only have to beat six to win."

Happy shuffled away from her spot.

"Easy enough," Walter vaunted whilst he stepped towards Happy's previous post.

Ralph clicked start on the timer.

"The one cookie she hates?"

"Oatmeal raisin."

"Her favorite kind of chocolate?"

"Sea salt caramel."

"Her favorite member of the _Addams Family_?"

The inside edges of Walter's brows formed a _v_. "The who?"

Paige's chin lowered. "You've never heard of the _Addams Family_?" Walter blinked at her, eliciting a muffled groan. "Who am I kidding? Of course you haven't."

Sly placed the card in the back. "The answer was Morticia."

Walter merely stared at him. "I have no clue who that is."

Sly waved it away. "Forget it. Next question. What color streak did Paige have in her hair during college?"

"Pink."

"Her ideal number of kids?"

Paige's head jerked, eyes aimed at Ralph. "Sly! What happened to that being a _private conversation_?"

Walter visibly paled. "Three?"

"Try again."

His voice quieted. "Four?"

"The name of her first-"

"Time's up," Ralph announced, with less enthusiasm than before.

Toby sprang off his feet. "Yes!" He pumped his fists. "Suck on that, Walt!

Despite fighting with each other earlier, Toby and Happy exchanged a high five, wearing identical victorious expressions.

"That's not fair," Walter blurted, "I have no recollection of that _Atom's_ family."

" _Addams_ ," Toby corrected smugly.

Sly presented both palms innocently. "I created questions _I_ knew the answers to. The whole point was for someone to lose."

"Well that's absurd!"

"Walter," Paige coaxed, her fingertips on his bicep, "it's just a game. It doesn't prove anything."

Toby slung an arm across his wife's shoulders. "Looks like you don't know everything after all, 197."

Sharply, Walter spun on his heel. "I demand a rematch."

Happy's lips curled downwards. "Crazed loser says what?"

Without consulting anyone else in the room, Toby nodded vigorously. "You're on."


End file.
